Hello my beautiful boy... sorry i have not been on here for a while. mummy needed some time as i have not been dealing with things very well. I hope you are okay where ever you are. I think about you every day, and slowly the tears are drying but my heart will be empty for ever. you would be 21 weeks old today and helping me celebrate my birthday next week... but i am just grateful that i got to hold you and give you your one and only kiss and ill treasure that forever. Your cousin Millie was born 14 days ago, 4 weeks early... i met her this week but i could not hold her. you were the last baby in my arms and i want to keep it that way forever. I love you so much Ryan, i hope you know that. xxxx

Mummy is not doing too good at the moment. I looked at your box the other night and smelt your hat that still smells of you... i don't understand why this had to happen to us, why did you have to go? I cant get my head around it and its making me so angry with the world and everyone in it. I just wish i ignored what the hospital said and went in to make sure you were okay... things could of been so different.

I want you here with me... im sorry i failed you, im sorry my body did not protect you xxxxxxx